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The Teddy Stoddard Story and Active
Listening
Seek first to understand
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Active Listening
& Paradigm Change
Listening attentively to others is a lovely gift,
particularly in this stressed and hectic world. It
shows care, concern, compassion, interest….
Always give the other the courtesy of speaking
first, and give the other your undivided attention. After the
other has said his full, he is ready to relax and hear what you
have to say. At this point, Covey suggests rephrasing the other's
words to ensure that you are both on the same page. Only
afterwards, when the other is relaxed and comfortable with your level of
understanding, should you begin to speak.
Listening is not solely a property of the ears.
People should listen with their eyes too. Look at people when
they talk. Lean towards
them a little too.
Listening starts with the heart. Don’t just listen to the content, but go deeper.
Listen for the intent and the meaning, being very sensitive to
the feeling expressed
Be supportive of what is being said by
rephrasing a few key
central ideas to show that you understand.
Indicate your gratitude for the privilege of sharing in the
dialogue.
Through
active listening we become open to new ideas.
Because our thinking is
correlated to our actions, let it be said that listening affects ideas,
which affect thought, which affect action.
As we are open to new ways of seeing situations, we
experience a paradigm changes.
Identify a few paradigm changes experienced while
reading the Teddy Stoddard story.
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When
You Touch A Life: The Teddy Stoddard Story
Her
name was Mrs. Thompson. As she stood in front of her 5th
grade class on the very first day of school, she told the children a
lie.
Like
most teachers, she looked at her students and said that
she loved them all the same.
But
that was impossible, because there in the front row,
slumped in his seat, was a little boy named Teddy Stoddard.
Mrs.
Thompson had watched Teddy the year before and noticed
that he didn't play well with the other children, that his clothes
were
messy
and that he constantly needed a bath. And Teddy could be unpleasant.
It got to the point where Mrs. Thompson would actually take
delight in marking his papers with a broad red pen, making bold X's
and
then putting a big "F" at the top of his papers. At the school
where Mrs. Thompson taught, she was required to review each child's
past
records and she put Teddy's off until last. However, when she reviewed
his
file, she was in for a surprise.
Teddy's
first grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is a bright child
with a ready laugh. He does his work neatly and has good manners...he
is
a
joy to be around."
His second grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is an excellent
student, well liked by his classmates, but he is troubled because his
mother
has a terminal illness and life at home must be a struggle."
His
third grade teacher wrote, "His mother's death had been hard on him. He
tries to do his best, but his father doesn't show
much interest and his home life will soon affect him if some steps
aren't taken."
Teddy's
fourth grade teacher wrote, "Teddy is withdrawn and doesn't show much
interest in school. He doesn't have
many friends
and
he sometimes sleeps in class."
By
now, Mrs. Thompson realized the problem and she was ashamed of
herself. She felt even worse when her students brought her Christmas
presents, wrapped in beautiful ribbons and bright paper, except for
Teddy's. His present was clumsily
wrapped in the heavy, brown paper
that he got from a grocery bag.
Mrs.
Thompson took pains to open it in the middle of the other presents. Some
of the children started to laugh when she found a rhinestone bracelet with
some of the stones missing, and a bottle
that
was one quarter-full of perfume. But she stifled the
children's laughter when
she exclaimed how pretty the bracelet was, putting it on, and
dabbing some
of the perfume on her wrist.
Teddy
Stoddard stayed after school that day just long enough
to say, "Mrs. Thompson, today you smelled just like my Mother used
to." After the children left she
cried for at least an hour.
On
that very day, she quit teaching reading, and writing, and
arithmetic. Instead, she began to teach children. Mrs. Thompson
paid particular attention to Teddy. As she worked with him, his
mind seemed to come alive. The more she encouraged him, the faster he
responded. By the end of the year,
Teddy had become one of the smartest
children in the class and, despite her lie that she would
love all the children the same, Teddy became one of her "teacher's
pets."
A
year later, she found a note under her door, from Teddy, telling her that she was still the best teacher he ever had in his
whole life.
Six
years went by before she got another note from Teddy. He
then wrote that he had finished high school, third in his class, and
she was still the best teacher he ever had in his whole
life.
Four
years after that, she got another letter, saying that while things
had been tough at times, he'd stayed in school, had stuck
with it, and would soon graduate from college with the highest of
honors.
He
assured Mrs. Thompson that she was still the best and favorite
teacher he ever had in his whole life.
Then
four more years passed and yet another letter came. This time
he explained that after he got his bachelor's degree, he decided to
go a little further. The letter explained that she was still the
best and favorite
teacher he ever had. But now his name was a little
longer-the letter was
signed, Theodore F. Stoddard, MD.
The
story doesn't end there. You see, there was yet another letter that spring. Teddy said he'd met this girl and was going to be
married. He explained that his
father had died a couple of years ago
and he was wondering if Mrs.
Thompson might agree to sit in the place at
the wedding that was usually reserved for the mother of the groom.
Of
course, Mrs. Thompson did. And guess what? She wore that
bracelet, the one with several rhinestones missing. And she made sure she
was wearing the perfume that Teddy
remembered his mother wearing on
their last Christmas
together. They hugged each other, and Dr. Stoddard
whispered in Mrs. Thompson's ear,
"Thank you Mrs. Thompson for believing in me.
Thank
you so much for making me feel
important and showing me that I could make a
difference." Mrs. Thompson, with tears in her eyes, whispered back.
She
said, "Teddy, you have it all
wrong.
You were the one who taught me
that
I could make a difference. I
didn't know how to teach until I met you."
Warm someone's heart today. pass this along.
Please remember that wherever you go, and whatever you do, you will
have
the
opportunity to touch and/or change a person's outlook
please
try to do it in a
positive way.
(I
acquired the above via forwarded email in December 2000)
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