Abstract

           This book as chosen because I hoped that it would give me some insight into the psychology of why people act the way they do. I hope to learn how to counter their negative behaviors into ones that will benefit us all. The book illustrates many behaviors in practical situations, many where I found myself naming people who have acted like these behaviors. The purpose of this book was not to learn how to manipulate people but rather to act in control under their environment of these negative behaviors. Through practice, anyone can use these basic steps to gain some control in a negative confrontation. These steps are as follows: 

•  Assess the situation

• Stop wishing the difficult person were different

• Get some distance between you and the difficult  behavior

• Formulate a coping plan

•  Implement your plan

•  Monitor the effectiveness of your coping strategy, modifying it where appropriate

         In closing this book is highly recommended for managers because it helps you to cope with every type of personality. Whether it is to start a campaign, or to promote something, and even to motivate there is valuable information that will help you to overcome many obstacles.

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Report

Coping With Difficult People

By Richard Green
Nov 18, 2002
FYE Tues Thursday

          The book I have chosen helps to illustrate many examples on how to cope with difficult people. This is valuable in working and interacting with others. Whether it is working or co-existing, everyone can benefit by reading this book.

          “The coping methods described in this book are not designed to use people’s motives against them, or to be sneaky or underhanded. They do not require that your intentions, and the actions you take to implement those intentions, be designed to further your own interests at the other person’s expense. Their purpose, rather, is to balance the power difficult people can have over you, and to further your mutual interests by producing a situation in which you both can function as productively as possible (Bramson 1981).”

          Each chapter illustrates through example difficult behaviors and ways to cope with them. They use a practical approach to examine the behavior and ways to react in a non-threatening manner. The result is to be equal to the person creating the conflict.

           Beginning with the basic types of aggressive personalities we discover how and why they act in the ways that they do.  There are three types of people mentioned in this book, Sherman Tanks, Snipers and Exploders. They all have negative effects on the people around them. Sherman Tanks go right through a person, uncaring and uninterested in their opinion. They alienate those that are their side and believe that most people are not as worthy as they are. A Sniper in addition to the Sherman Tank will also act similarly except that they will do these things to make or justify themselves in their opinion(s). In closing the Exploder comes from the result of not getting their way and feeling threatened. They are the ones that have everyone walking on eggshells.

          To cope with a constant complainer we start by actively listening and avoid accusations. Acknowledge by paraphrasing and don’t apologize or agree with the complainer, which will fuel the fire. Asking questions and assigning limited fact finding tasks also move the complainer into a problem-solving mode instead of the negative complaining. As a last resort and at wits end you may ask, “How do want this discussion to end?”

           The opposite of the complainer is the silent and unresponsive person. They will not communicate when a discussion is necessary. With this problem many feel its impact through the non-direction of their responses. To cope with this behavior one should ask open-ended questions. It may be necessary to schedule an appointment with the individual but plan enough time so that you don’t lose your composure. During this meeting you should ask open-ended questions and patiently wait for a reply. If no reply is spoken, discuss this behavior letting him or her know what you expect and why their behavior is not satisfactory.

           While a person being silent can be difficult, so can the behavior of a super-agreeable person. This behavior leaves you feeling after a discussion or set of directions, that they will be carried out. While they have all the right intentions, unfortunately they have no follow through. This can be difficult when assigning tasks in a team environment, where different people complete a part and the whole is later combined. Many managers face this problem with its subordinates. Some super-agreeable people just agree to be accepted but later find that there is no way that they can carried out what is promised. As an example, my FYE (First Year Experience) teacher told us a story about an opportunity presented to her by her boss to participate in another program. While she could have been a super-agreeable, agreeing to take this opportunity, she examined her schedule noting its weight and proceeded to notify her boss that she couldn’t give it the attention it deserved. That showed very good judgement not only in judging the time needed for this added responsibility, but also for her own sense of capacity. She may have been a highlight to her boss for taking this assignment, but it would have been worse had she taken it and not given it the effort it demanded. So in closing, this teacher shows the opposite of the super-agreeable and an excellent example of a person that uses her time very well.

          My last example shows a positive employee possessing valuable power in helping others. A negative personality especially in a work environment deters even the most optimist coworkers. Their damage is so detrimental to organizations and can make many ideas sink. They possess a power known as a  “wet blanket”. Their pessimism is understandable, stating the negative side of things. In business they may be the managers of risk management. While their job is to look at negative side of things, it shouldn’t stop a project from going forward because of it. The answer lies in being prepared and aware of those impacts. It should not be the reason for not going forward. Imagine all the stores that could have never opened because of the possibility of shoplifters. A possible solution to that problem is to get security cameras and plain clothed house detectives to watch potential shoplifters. A negative side to that may be that the cost of the preventive measures could exceed the cost of the possible loss to shoplifters. So it continues, why do we have fire insurance, etc. and so on. Be cautious of offering an alternative solution before the problem is thoroughly discussed.

          While these are all very basic behaviors of difficult people there are basic steps in which we can use to cope with the problems that they develop. These steps are broken down into the following:

• Assess the situation

•  Stop wishing the difficult person were different

•    Get some distance between you and the difficult  behavior

•   Formulate a coping plan

•  Implement your plan

•    Monitor the effectiveness of your coping strategy, modifying it where appropriate

          These are the basic steps needed to successfully cope with difficult people. It helps to turn their negative behaviors into a behavior that can mutually enhance all parties.. By practicing these basic ideals you will get over the most difficult obstacles found in everyday circumstances. Steven Covey and his philosophy of the Seven Habits of Successful People would call this a win / win situation.

  Work Cited:

 Bramson, Robert M. Coping with Difficult People. Doubleday. New York, NY 1981